Learning a Lesson: Giving Up Control

Today is February 13, 2010 at 12:56 a.m.
I am awake from a drink at Starbucks and now eating goldfish and delighting in the Lord.

On January 4, I moved to the new apartment to live by myself until Derick and I marry. It is a beautiful 1 bedroom, 1100 square feet apartment that we describe as "quaint." It is in a safe and beautiful area and is just perfect for Derick and I. Since I moved in, Derick and I have talked about moving the wedding up from June 26, 2010 to February 27, 2010. Long story short, we thought it would be silly to wait 4 more months when we could just start living life together. So we are getting married on February 27th @ 2 p.m.

Moving the ceremony up to February means that it is in the midst of my last semester of nursing school. I am currently working 24 hours at the hospital, about 24 hours for clinical, a full-time school load, plus wedding plans with mom and Derick. In other words, I have been really busy and get a little overwhelmed here and there. The Lord has been sweet to remind me, whether truth comes to mind, reading in Scripture, or listening to other believers, that He is in control! He made everything and He is in charge of everything.

And of course with marriage, the wedding, the apartment, and others bills the finances add up pretty quickly. I would become anxious, looking at Derick and I's finances seeing that money would be extremely tight and wondered how it would work out financially. I would just pray and pray about it knowing the Lord wants me to cast my anxieties upon Him because He cares for me (1 Peter). I kept praying for the Lord to provide in mysterious ways (for the wedding, personal finances, and school). It would seem that the Lord opened doors, but then when taking steps towards them, we would find out they were shut. (E.g. I tried to apply for a credit card, but i couldn't get one.) After many steps towards various options, I became disheartened and didn't know how God would provide, but I knew He would do something. In my time of being disheartened, but still had some hope I shared with a few friends just to pray about it. Kristina Gehring told me "don't count the cost before you know WHO is paying." I really had to meditate on that statement, but oh it is so true! God created everything and is in control of everything; so He'll take care of it. hehe He has the check. Just as He gives, He takes away. Wow! God is so good. Multiple friends prayed with me and for me about the finances and oh He answered! (Goes on below...)

Last week I was just stressed about finances, wedding planning, school, time, and so forth and once mom, Derick, and I got the major things checked out I felt like a huge weight was off of my shoulders. Since then, I haven't been as worried, but I have had hope "ok God, I know you are going to provide. Just show us the door and we will follow."

Even a few days ago Derick and I were talking about how much money we need to have to pay for X, Y, and Z. I didn't know how the Lord would provide. Well little did I know, that Derick knew, that the Lord already worked it out.

Today I met Derick and Jill (and ran into Lisa) at the good old Starbucks where Katie V. works. Lisa saw me and asked if something was up. I didn't think anything was up (wrong), but then after she asked I could just think of so many things that were on my heart. I didn't tell her, but she prayed for me (how I feel loved the most). Before I left, I told the girls a few things that were on my heart, but didn't mention finances. Well I meet with Derick and we talk about various wedding/married life issues. We decide to bring up the bank account. Once he opens the homepage of our bank, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. So while he walked away, I decided to open it up so we could talk through it. As it opens, I see a figure that I had no idea where the money came from. I started to freak out (good thing) and asking him where all the money came from. Long story short, taxes came back!

The whole time I have been trying to configure how many hours Derick and I need to work, can we open a credit card, can we pay this person back, which vendor should get the first payment, how we should balance our finances and etc. So I have tried to figure it out (to be in control) and Derick and i wouldn'thave been able to do it. Well...God can!

I am just so excited and wanted to write a praise about our wonderful God and how He provides for His children. Can you believe Jesus is my husband (Isaiah 53/56ish)? It is beautiful to think that I am marrying a man who lOves Jesus! Marriage really is a picture of Christ and the church. I sometimes get frustrated that weddings are pricey, but when I really thought about it a wedding represents two people becoming one. A marriage (and wedding ceremony) is a picture of Christ becoming one with His bride. Weddings may be expensive, but think of the sacrifice Christ paid for us on the cross. No wedding will ever be able to compare to the beauty of Christ uniting with His church. (No wonder the wedding industry is over $2 billion; I guess that says a lot about Christ's sacrifice....it's worth a lot).

I am very thankful to share this and be able to read it later on in life. I hope you enjoyed it too. Now I am going to put the goldfish away and sneak into bed. Goodnight world.

As daddy always says, "Brush your teeth and say your prayers."